Beyond Next ExpressMEN

Few months ago, I met one site reader. At that time he's on his European cruise, the cruise ship docked in San Juan and gave the passengers few hours to explore Viejo San Juan, which is the old part of the city. He spent those hours with me, walking through the blue brick layered streets of the city, what I didn't know at that time was that those hours would provide me with valuable lessons about life and about love. For purposes of protecting his privacy, I changed his name to Dave. Join me tonight as I walked with Dave and explore the old city of San Juan, together lets take a journey inside Dave's heart, you'll be surprised at what you'll find. You might see yourself looking back at you. Because beyond the streets of Old San Juan, and beyond Next ExpressMEN, there are other stories, sometimes its about how others succeed in modeling or photography, sometimes its about fashion and design or about finding life inside the bargain box. But sometimes, there are stories that hits right through where most things matters most, the heart.

Patric: "How was the cruise? are you enjoying it?"

Dave: "Boring (laughs). No its pretty informative, After Puerto Rico we are going to go to the other Caribbean islands then off to Europe, actually I think I'm excited on that, this is my first time in the Caribbean and I haven't been to Europe"

Dave is originally from Indonesia. He said Puerto Rico is really different from where he came from because of all the Latin influences and fusions of color everywhere

Patric: "Yes, its always like this here in Viejo San Juan, so much color, every building has its own history, all vibrant, it seems like the whole city is dressed for the day. Most of these buildings are in the millions. Its amazing how a small port city can become an international destination."

Dave: "Very interesting. I think I like to live here. If I'm a millionaire! (laughs)

Patric: "I think the whole city is a photographer's dream. Each corner can produce a winning shots. Dave would you like to grab some coffee or something? then we can check Fortaleza and we can walk through the old walls and port, wanna do that first?"

I took Dave to the nearby Starbucks which is in a newly renovated Spanish building and I got a mocha drink while he opted for regular coffee. At first I tried to convince him to try the mocha flavor but he said he will settle for the regular cup. I told him that the island produces one of the best coffees in the world and yet Puerto Ricans preferred to drink their coffee in very tiny cups, the Starbucks regular cup is like three times the size of the coffee cups that they use in everyday life. And most prefers to just drink coffee in the morning. I really don't know how to start the conversation with Dave, like what questions to ask just to break the ice, for the first twenty minutes we avoided the topic and pretends that we are not really doing any interview. Few months back I got an email from him and he asked me if I would be interested in doing an interview with someone who had been living with AIDS for more than ten years. I told him that it will be an honor to do that feature and that I was planning to do an AIDS campaign for the site. He surprised me when he started the topic, in between my mocha frappucino, he laid down his yesterdays before my eyes.

Dave: "Do you know Patric what I really wanted to be when I grow up?"

Patric: "Do you like me to guess?"

He smiled at me.

Patric: "I don't know, maybe doctor, policeman? newscaster? actor, or model? don't tell me nurse." (I laughed)

Dave: "Modeling seems interesting, but no. When I was a young boy, I told myself, when I grow up, all I want is to be happy."

It was not an easy start for Dave. Growing up in Indonesia, living in a very small roomless house and with 12 brothers and sisters, he knows that there is no future for him. Unless he takes the future and claim it as his own.

Dave: "I worked all day and all night in this dirty dark factory counting metal sheets, folding cardboards, carrying all those heavy sands, and pounding nails. When I came out of the factory I was already 15. I started at nine."

Patric: "I understand. those are realities in other parts of the world, but many Westeners are not aware that these are the everyday conditions that are happening while they are cutting their steaks and sipping their martinis"

Dave: "At 15 Patric, I made up my mind, I don't want to die inside that factory and be buried beneath those heavy sands and rusty nails. I run away from home, gave my mother all my savings, I braved the city with not even a single coin in my pocket. But I was free Patric, for the first time in my life, I was free."

Patric: "Why did you give your mother everything? I mean. How will you survive in a city with not even a single cent?"

Dave: "You see Patric at that time, I know that I will never see my mother again, cause when I left our home, I know I will never come back. I am not afraid of the city Patric, you see Viejo San Juan is a vibrant city, lots of tourist, shops and restaurants but believe me there are stories hidden beneath this beautiful city. Sometimes these stories are whisphered only to those that are willing to listen"

Dave has only one ticket. He used it to survive. Like what he said, everything in life has a price. and there are always buyers who are willing to pay that price.

Patric: "Do you have any regrets?"

At this point, Dave cried. I rubbed his back slowly and apologized for the direct question, I gave him some Starbucks napkins. I asked him if he likes to walk with me outside and we can stop the interview and just have fun and explore the city. I told him that I like to show him all those pretty buildings and the paloma filled parks around the city, paloma, which is Spanish for pigeons.

Dave: "I have regrets Patric. I wished my first time was not on that old musky hotel room whose walls are lined with torn wall papers. I wished it happened in a different place, with a different person. Before I left the room, he asked me if I will remember him. I smiled slowly while holding on to the money that he just paid me. Deep inside I know that I will never forget him, I will never forget the bitter truth that he was my first time and that is the hardest pill to swallow, because it will haunt me for the rest of my life"

Patric: "It's ok Dave. It's ok."

While trying to comfort him and cheer him back, one tourist accidentally run on Dave and he dropped his paper cup.

Patric: "Would you like me to run back to Starbucks and get a new coffee. that's ok, its just a few blocks from here?"

Dave said no. When he saw the results for the first time, he can't believe it. He denied it. He can't accept the fact that it happened to him. At that time he's already in the States, with a stable job, not missing any mortgage payment on his house, everything was going right for him until the awful truth hits him.

Dave: "The thing is, I always planned everything in life, if I didn't I wouldn't be able to come here in the US. I will still be stuck in that factory. I thought at that time life is perfect. Sure its tiring cause I have to work on multiple jobs. But I was doing well. Relationship wise, I am not that successful, but its not that bad."

Patric: "I know, sometimes its really hard, life is really so unpredictable. Nothing can be planned. Sometimes in less that a second, everything can collapse right before our eyes."

Dave: "You know what the painful thing is when I discovered I had AIDS, the doctor said its too late. He gave me three more months to live. At that time, I was already suffering from other complications, I felt so weak, so sick and so depressed. At that point in my life, I knew that the doctor was right."

Patric: "But isn't it that he's just like you and me. Only human?"

Dave: "That's exactly what I said Patric, he's only human. And its not fair to tell another human being that there's nothing more to expect. Its awful. Its painful. But I can't blame him, because that was the truth. He's a doctor, he based things on facts."

Patric: "Where did you go from there?"

Dave: "I knocked on his door. He was the one who gave me the disease. I faced him. I looked at AIDS right through its eyes. For years, I knew that there's something wrong with me. I know that I am sick. And I know where I got it. The doctor said, I only have three months left so it wouldn't make a difference what I do, whether I see him or not whether I just sit back and wait"

Patric: Did you see him?

But how do you tell a person what happened when its been years? How can you go back to that yesterday, when its already buried in the past? Dave controlled his anger, he knocked on his door. He was shocked with what he saw. He saw a different person. He aged quickly. He is lying on the bed surrounded by his current lover. He is dying.

Dave: "For months, I was planning what to tell him. How I will curse him right through every inch of his skin. But when I saw him lying there, looking at me like I was not there. Something dawned on me. I told myself. I will live. I will not be like him. Because, nobody will cry when I die. Nobody will miss me."

Dave called home. His mother answered.

Dave: "I told my mom that I was sick. I told her that I only have three months left. I told her that they will receive a shipment from me, I sent most of my valuables to them. I told her that I also wired most of my money to her account. I told my mom, that I will die"

Dave's mother never asked him why or what happened.

Dave: "All she said was for me to come home. I can't believe that all the years that I spent in America, I still have a home to come back to. I have not talked to her for years, I did not helped them for years. And yet, the words..come home flew smoothly out of her. She didn't even think about it. She just said it. I know that she meant it. They said, blood is thicker than water, I think the love of a mother is stronger than all the AIDS in the world."

Patric: "Did you went back?"

Dave: "No. I stayed. I don't want them to see that I failed. I don't want to go back and bring the horror of the disease with me. I don't want to lie there on our wooden bed, in our old house and see all of them looking down at me. I am their America. They all want to come here. This is not the America that I want them to see."

Patric: "In your emails, you told me that you've found the cure..."

Dave took my hand and placed it right in his left chest.

Dave: "The cure is found here. It's in the heart. I am AIDS more than ten years later. The thing is Patric, in order to survive AIDS, you have to live with it. It's a life changing event, its too late to go back and tell yourself that you should have done this or that. Because guess what, you can tear the world into pieces but there are some facts in life that can never be change. Because it already happened. But there is something that you can do. Share your story to a friend. Let them know that AIDS can be prevented. And the good news is, there is a cure. You just have to find it. Miracles happens everyday"

After walking through Calle Fortaleza, Dave told me that he needs to go back to the cruise ship. This March, Dave will go back to see his mother for the first time in years. "I am excited. I am scared. I don't know what I'll say when I see her again, I guess, I would say, that I love her and that I know that somebody missed me."

The last time I saw Dave, he waved at me while balancing his traveling bag and a Starbucks cup, this time around I was able to convinced him that Mocha Frappucino taste better than the regular cup.

Beyond the Street. Beyond Next ExpressMEN.

AIDS Awareness Campaign.

Presented by

Ethan James and Jerald Mutia- 2008 ExpressMEN of the Year

Christopher Street Tv/ Off the Clock Productions

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